Monday, September 17, 2012

All is not well in Zion

It was a dark and restless night.

Yesterday I attended church again.  After sacrament meeting, the executive secretary (stake, I believe) found me in the chapel overflow, called me by name and told me the stake president would like to meet me.

I followed him to the stake offices and there waited until the stake presidency and my bishop filed in, sitting in mostly an arc before me (bishop to my left).  They chatted about who I am and my membership history and then confronted me about my writings--the (formerly) prozac-ville blog and my editorial role at  

Before I admitted to writing any of it, I asked them how they had gotten my name and learned that I was writing any kind of blog. They would only say that they were perhaps "inspired" to know my identity.  Then they told me they were scheduling a disciplinary council for my role as managing editor at, and particularly over my recent articles and writings, while attending the Hunters Creek Ward in Orlando, Florida.

My writings, of recent last week, (from  September 11 -15) which were posted to this blog and MormonThink include "The God of Mitt Romney" and one on the political history of the LDS church, as it relates to Mitt Romney’s campaign. 

They gave me a letter stating a disciplinary council for "apostasy" is scheduled on September 30 at 7:30am.  During our chat, the leaders persistently asked me about other contributors, why we kept secret our identities and implied that that I am an anti-christ.  This was the first time I had ever met each of these leaders, and none of them knew me before by name or face, from what I know.  

They denied that they are on—in their words—“a witch hunt” but they continued asking me to answer questions such as, “If people are truly interested in truth, as you say they are, then why would they hide their name or who they are?”  

Many of us have seen the harm openly raising doubts can cause with family, friends and community in the Mormon culture. Most of my family is true-believing Mormon, and they will be hurt by my probable excommunication for apostasy. 

I hope to find a way to work it out, perhaps by vacating the blog (which I did this same day, and found the blog name taken by others who posted a critique of Mormonthink) and removing the temple material from

In the "interview" I specifically asked if there was anything I could do to forestall the disciplinary council.  They told me there was nothing I could do. It was going to happen.


  1. You, Sir are in my prayers for strength and courage. Peace to you.

  2. never heard of you till I linked from the trib, read about a paragraph and think your 5 minutes should be about up. Since you have such a desire to reveal everything about your life where is the sections on your bowel movements that would be just as interesting.

  3. I. Pray you will feel the love from the disciplinary council and make a good choice for your soul. Remember part of the council''spurpose is to save you. My name is Vee. I didn't fit in the other options. Pray and fast and if possible get a blessing before the council. My thoughts and prayers go with you as do many others I.m sure.

  4. Why recognise their authority? It's pretty self evident from the well sourced material on Mormonthink that the whole thing is bullshit. Whilst you consider members "your people" ultimately many of them are too brainwashed to help as evidenced by the ridiculous comments above. Go there, make a mockery of their so-called "inspiration" and leave with your head held high then toast the fact that this has blown up in their faces with a Starbucks.

  5. You can't open eyes that have blinders on them. Haters gonna hate. That part has to change first.

  6. I think you should take some time to self-evaluate and search for the answers to the following questions?

    Why do I question my beliefs?
    How does this strengthen me?
    How does this weaken me?
    What do I ultimately want my life to be like?

    I think that if you do this you may find some clarity.

    Just a little background on me, just in case you're interested. I am the oldest of nine, yes nine, kids in my family. I have a mother who is significantly mentally ill. Our religion was, and still is, her weapon to manipulate us on a daily basis. I took care of my siblings on my own a lot. I was beaten. I lost all my hair when I was in the seventh grade due to an auto-immune disorder, and it is still gone to this day. I was told that I was a burden, I was evil, I was a slut, the list goes on and on. My mother attempted suicide in front of me and then forbid me to call 911(I called anyway. I wasn't about to let her pin that guilt on me.). She's been arrested several times, once at church even for violating a no contact order... that one was interesting. I have questioned my religion OFTEN in my life. I have been "inactive". My family has suffered and has been badly damaged. I was angry, very angry, about all of this. It consumed me and continues to do so for some of my siblings and my father. He tried to help her, but was often on the receiving end of her abuse as well.

    Ultimately, what I have found out for myself is that I am blessed. I owe my Heavenly Father all of my gratitude for everything that I have in my life. Beside my hair loss, I am generally healthy. I have a wonderful husband and daughter. I feel that my suffering has helped me to become more compassionate than I would have been otherwise. I have an appreciation for people who suffer. I feel the need to reach out and try to console them. I found that my anger was preventing my peace. I still battle that anger, but it does not consume me like it did. I have learned to look beyond myself, most of the time. I attend church and serve others because it is my way, feeble as it may sound, of showing my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for being able to be fairly well-rounded, despite the abuse that I suffered. I don't go to socialize. To me, that is not important. I was not ever part of the "in crowd" at church anyway, so it does not matter to me. I go because I feel closer to my Savior when I do.

    I'm not sure why you would want to know about me, but I felt impressed to share, so I did. For whatever it is worth to anyone who reads this, I wish you the best in your efforts to find solace in this crazy world. I can tell you it is worth the effort to find it. God bless you!

    Adria is out... Peace! :o)

    1. I don't know why I put a question mark at the end of my first sentence. Sorry, that was dumb. :o)

    2. Adria,

      I am not a Mormon, but I know many Mormons and I have family that are members. I believe that my religion should bring comfort to my life, not strife. You seem to be quite conflicted, though you seem like a very good person. I wish you well.

    3. Thanks for sharing Adria. We all have many experiences in our lives that bring us to where we are and it sounds like you have found a good place for healing, serving and moving on. Sharing your experience will help others.

      I too have pushed through anger and questioning and come to a place of healing, serving and moving on; it is outside the church and away from God. It works for me as your life works for you. There are no required outcomes to our journey; the hope would be that we learn empathy, love and acceptance for others. (Which I believe you have.)

  7. Ummmm...the whole world IS NOT watching this little blog and nothing he does will "go down in history"!

  8. You seem so smart and clever .... You seriously didn't see this coming, the words you display on this blog of yours are with a doubt venturing into apostasy, don't fool yourself buddy into thinking its about mitt thats the least of the the issue .... Wow !
    Hope things pan out for ya smarty pants ;)
    Much love

  9. While I have not read all of what you have printed, I agree with the fact that many things are out of place within the Lord's Church, that the Lord Himself must rectify when then the time comes for that ie Sec.85 and others.

    This infers the church still belongs to the Lord but has been Hi-_Jacked by corporate thugs with a Religious cover to mask their greed...A little tougher to detect than corporate greed in the private sector that claims no alliegence to Go & outward displays of higher morals.

    I suspect the material worship aspect of mixing the worship of God with Materialism, which is referred to as Priest Craft in the BOM, or Consecration in the minds of these corrupt leaders, is only scratching the surface of a much more sinister plot, referred to as the "Mystery of Iniquity" spoken of in Revelation. And is expounded on in 2 Thessalonians as the "Man of Sin" who seats himself in God's Temple as though he WERE God.

    This is a much deeper aspect of the Conspiracy level of Iniquity that I believe past Prophets have warned us of. I believe their "Robbing" the Lord of HIS Tithes, is the LEAST of what lurks beneath the surface of simple greed and a lust for power & adulation.

    I believe this Conspiracy adheres to the WORST paradigm you could imagine....Having the Anti-Christ arise from our Own Midst, as the Lord's people who have entered Deep Apostasy and are blinded or indifferent to even the financial corruption taking place.

    It's Deeper than that.

    Good luck my friend. Stand upon Principle and you never stand to fail. Just merely TEMORARILY loose your membership that God will restore in time for the Kingdom of God to take it's final roots in Zion.

    Never think this church does not belong to Christ. He merely needs to clean it up and call a new cast of leaders who are willing to work for the sake of God & His Kingdom and not special favors & perks.

    I see these things from a far, far removed from the confusing conflagration of hypocrisy that lies at the center of the Church.

    It's CLEAR that the Lord knows what He is doing and will soon correct this discrepancy when the time presents itself as being RIPE to remove the Chaff from the Wheat.

    God Bless You and don't worry for the reprocussions that are bound to come your way. They will only be temporary.

    Stick to the Truth and don't worry for the consequences imposed by Illegitimate False Leaders who will eventually reap what they have sown. And You will be vindicated. But you currently stand helpless before their Authority....Only for a Time...