Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Lord is Hastening

Back in June, MormonThink and I posted that the LDS Church would publish a series of essays meant to inoculate members against a growing tide of information critical of their church.  Insider information had indicated the essays would be delayed until 2014, but new rumors indicate the release of the church's troubling issues has hastened, perhaps in part due to pro-truth actions such as the MormonThink Billboard, along I-15 in Utah.

I further speculated that the developing 3-year plan would unroll the essays in three tiers, starting with essays just touching on the tougher issues.  Following those, they will unveil journal like articles aimed at your gospel doctrine student and casual teacher.  Finally, they'll release a deeper set of publications targeted at scholarly members who are on the verge of leaving the church.  This layer of treatment will likely be buried deeper yet on the Lord’s websites so that only the truly steadfast scholars will find them.

The most recent rumors indicate the LDS Church will move or at least enhance their Topics Section at a new website, yet to be named and released. According to an unnamed fulltime church employee, "The project is on a rush order from President Uchtdorf and Elder Holland personally, and should be launched sometime in the next few weeks-1 month."  

Another church employee who works with those handling the marketing and advertising of LDS initiatives like these, reports that the 12 apostles have been upset by much of the recent  successes critics have displayed.  The admission by Grant Palmer's mysterious general authority that the 12 receive gracious million-dollar "loans" or gifts has, reportedly, upset them.  

 I can almost hear them saying: "If only critics and members knew how much money I gave up when I became a general authority then they wouldn't complain."   You see, these men, these prior jet-setting executives and cutting-edge lawyers sacrificed tremendous potential wealth to be your leader.  And what do they have to show for it?  Only a small fortune from the church's accounts as the Lord's servants.  They deserve the million dollar gift from the holy coffers.  Yes, that's a way of looking at it.

Another way of looking at it is these men feel much more special than the common member does to them.  They are above their fellow members. You common members do not deserve million-dollar gifts.  You should stop speaking evil of the Lord's anointed, obey, pray and pay your tithing!   (Oh, and don't be gay!)  They've been working the members for decades and decades, using every guilting, covenant-breaking penalty miming and soft-spoken threatening technique of manipulation they can to keep the tithes rolling in and the obedience and loyalty paying out.
Recall, the church temple covenants ask all members to promise to give all their wealth, time, talents and everything which they are blessed with to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints® for the building up of the corporation--I mean kingdom--of God.  The 12 feel they have done just that--they gave up their pathways to ultra-wealthy living in order to live the impoverished apostle life of owning only a few houses, of  open-ended book deals, of one-time million-dollar forgiven "loans" and of continual reimbursements for their houses, gardeners, maids, cooks, Christmas gifts and more.  

If that's the meek inheriting the earth after giving all their wealth, time and talents to the church, then sign me up for some of that meekness, because I have a million dollar loan I'd like canceled.  Oh, and a french maid in a short skirt would be sweet too!

Ultimately, this hastened move to inoculate members against the actual history and teachings of the past church is aimed at stabilizing the bottom line: tithes and offerings.  A church employee in the finance department has told me that the drop in donations is a great concern among their department, and reporting that up the chain has caused a flurry of memos and action that includes some layoffs in the church's business units. In 2013, layoffs hit three departments over at the church office building.   Times are growing tight for a church that supposedly is expanding at such a rapid rate they need tens of thousands of new missionaries.  Missionaries go up, tithing and profit goes down.  The common link?  Tithing drops and they push to go find new customers to tithe because they've lost market share.  But like CFOs hiding the losses in less viewed columns of their spreadsheets, the LDS Church is not telling its members the whole story on its membership numbers.  I reported about that here.

Elder Uchtdorf and Elder Holland:  The inoculating essays, articles and documents won't fix the tithes bloodletting.  Well over a year ago, I suggested your path around the evaporating tithes.  Brethren, you prepare yourselves to exercise your articles of incorporation on the sole corporation in finding that safe, off-shore "charity" where you can shift the 180 year growth and wealth, laying a golden nest egg for yourselves.  You may just be members of the last solvent Quorum of the Twelve before you vote in unison to dissolve the sole and distribute the booty among yourselves. You'll make Joseph Smith proud.

A Closer Look at their Finances scares the bejeebus out of the Brethren


  1. An "inspired church, guided by the Lord Jesus Christ" requires PR machines, ghost writers, stop gap measures, a flurry of panicked memos and a bevy of snot-nosed 19-year old salesmen. Right. And where in the heck is the top honchos' FAITH? Even if SS LDS Titanic is leaking tons of money, where is their faith that the Lawd won't let them down? Have they lost Joe Smith's mojo? How about that Holy Ghost working his butt off, touching a few millionaires' hearts so that they literally jump into the waters of baptism? Why is he so fussy that he needs to be "invited"? So many questions, too little tithes. - Charles R.

  2. David T-

    Please stick with credible information if you want to be believable. More rumor than substance is becoming your style.

  3. I hear what you are saying and I don’t doubt that a lot, if not all of what you report has genuine merit (i.e., it’s the truth). That being said, the LDS church will always survive because a large contingent of its active membership will ‘allow’ (for lack of a better way to put it) the church to continually re-invent itself. The church in this regard is monolithic and will always be around just like the Roman Catholic church is still going strong in spite of it’s dastardly, tarnished history. I think it will continue to bleed tithe-paying members, but the church is not going to crash and burn. For one thing, it’s the cultural underpinning of many families--even for many (especially Utah) ‘jack’ Mormons. In fact I still tell some of my kids (those who are active) to stick with the church as long as it works for them, or until something better comes along. It just didn’t work for me anymore, and in fact was an unhealthy place to be in many respects. Still, I’m grateful for all the good things the church offered, and don’t have any regrets. I just wish I didn’t buy into the ‘one and only true church’ bit, though. But then had I not, things may have been different in less desirable way. Who knows for sure, anyway, how my life would have turned out had I not been active in the church all those years. But I think it was better for me--then.