As many have noticed, this blog changed names to Mormon Disclosures. In keeping with that name comes this tidbit right from the secret archives at the Foundation for Apologetic Information and Research (FAIR). It appears they have been doing some digging and the movement they're bringing to pass may change the way we critics look at Mormonism. Some of you may not like the topic in this blog, so I apologetically apologize up front.
Allegedly, FAIR has open the lid on Lamanite doings. By doings, I mean poo. A document secured from deep in the bowels of FAIR archives shows that ancient fecal matter has surfaced which appears to belong to either the Lamanite king Lamoni (also spelled Lamoani) or the Jaredite Shiz. The matter was uncovered in what was once believed to be an ancient baptismal font in central America, but is now thought to be a giant loo set in the middle of a notorious battlefield. FAIR believes that there two verses in the Book of Mormon that reference the evidence of number two. The first is in Alma 27:1.
"Now it came to pass that when those Lamanites who had gone to war against the Nephites had found, after their many struggles to destroy them, that it was in vain to seek their destruction..."The key words here are "and it came to pass" in the same sentence as "struggles". The words "destroy them" seems to confuse readers and so FAIR has decided that these words must be the writers speaking as men and not for God.
FAIR encourages readers to remember the admonishment of Moroni in the Book of Mormon Title Page:
"If there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that thy undergarments may be found spotless at the throne of Christ."(Note, I believe they changed the wording slightly.)
The other verse referencing the matter in hand is Ether 15:31.
"And it came to pass that after he had smitten off the head of Shiz, that Shiz raised up on his hands and fell; and after that he had struggled for breath, he died."Again the words "came to pass" and "struggle" are found in the same verse. In this case, however, the struggling for breath is interpreted as a groan under strain. FAIR also speculates that since Shiz died as he strained, he very probably voided his bowels, leaving them the evidence they currently sift through for more indication on Lamanite existence. As a bonus, we critics offer to them the idea that it is not coincidence that his name is Shiz, which is the Reformed Egyptian root for "feces".
Laboratory testing so far has shown the perpetrator of the evidence ate wheat, barley and horse meat. Preliminary DNA testing shows that while the mtDNA (maternally linked) is of Asian descent, it is hopeful the Y-DNA will show Mideastern influences.
We encourage FAIR to get with the scientists who uncovered other ancient American, Viking and pre-historic Clovis human waste matter.
FAIR has emailed me to let me know that the entire episode turns out to be a prank of one apologist on another. It's called "hide the poo" apparently. I don't have any other details.
(I realize that some of you have no sense of humor and many won't appreciate this kind of levity, but I spent a bit of time looking through FAIR's website this past weekend, and this is the best response to Mormon Apologetics I can form.)